I am the hottest of messes.

I leave my blog deserted for dang near two weeks & ain’t nobody even checked on me?  Left a comment of concern?  Shot me an email demanding I update?  Umm hmm.

I see how it is.  It’s cool.  I’m a big girl.  My feelings are really aren’t hurt.

Antyway, how are things?  What’s new?  What’s good?  I have so many random stories of things that have happened to and/or around me from the past couple of weeks, but I’ve not had the time to write about it.

Or maybe I just suck at time management.

Something like that.

Anywho, riding the CTA is creating a new Brownngirl.  And it’s not pretty.  I see myself getting more pushy, irritated, and rude by the day.  It’s become a defense mechanism.  People are SOOO rude.

I’ve totally given up on any kind of chivalry from men sitting comfortably in their seats as women or older folk stand up getting flung back and forth by train or bus movement.  Nah.  They just sit there reading the paper like, what.

So, fine.

Standing on the platform waiting to get on, mofos will CUT YOU ALL THE WAY OFF to board the train before you do.  No regard.

Y’all.

This girl cut me off so hard one time I was thisclose to yanking her ponytail back.

Then, mofos will practically challenge you to a foot race to scoop up a seat if there are only one or two available.  No courtesy.  No “oh you saw it first / you’re a lady / you’re carrying a lot of stuff, so you take the seat.”  Nawl.  None of that.  They’ll practically swoop in and sit under your butt to hijack your seat while you’re mid-squat.

Dude.

Then folks will sit on the outside seat leaving the other one open on a crowded azzed train or buss and huff & puff when you ask them to scoot over or move so you can sit.  [I like to do that on purpose. lol!]  Put that damb extra-medium bag, taking up all that space, on your damb lap and let somebody else sit down!  Hell.

People have become so rude that I feel I have to be the same way sometimes just to compete!  There’s a specific group of people that tend to be the most repeat offenders.  It’s like there’s this attitude of entitlement or something and I have frequent run-ins with these folks who will step all over you to get on/off/a seat on a train.  [I would say who, but it'd make me sound like I don't like white women.  Which isn't true, so I'll leave it be.  (However that bag-on-the-open-seat habit is colorblind.  That goes across the board.)]

One thing that makes me smile though is the CTA booth worker guy at the train stop I take on my way home.  This guy is definitely a “Chatty Kathy” who likes to take one too many hugs since taking a liking to me.  I now know that I can’t just swipe my card & head on down to the platform.  Nah.  We’re going to talk for at least a strong three minutes.  Maybe even four.

But, anyway.

Get this… this guy… at my CTA stop… moonlights on the weekends as a Michael Jackson impersonator.

I’m not even joking.

When he first handed me that flyer, I almost died laughing.  In fact, I think I did die.  I’m my own reincarnate at this point.

What are the chances?  Especially seeing as how I’m a HUGE MJ fan.  Now every Monday I get a recap of how his show the previous weekend went.  He’s invited me to come a few times.  He actually told me he was going to make me a DVD. (Lawd, I can’t.)

Obviously he takes his job seriously.  His eyebrows are nicely arched.  He’s got 90′s Michael swag happening with that one curl hanging from his forehead on purpose (Think: The BAD album cover).  I can’t tell if he has an S-curl or a Wave Nouveau or what.  And it doesn’t even matter.

My CTA booth operator worker guy is a Michael Jackson impersonator.  I feel like this was somehow orchestrated by a higher power.

Last tidbit.

I was heading home one day and after our 3-4 minute chat he says, “Well, I won’t keep you, I know you gotta… go.”

Y’all.

When he said “…go,” he punctuated the “go” by doing this move, with Michael precision, pointing in the direction of the train platform:

*flatlines*