Shout out to my coworker EJ for this little gem from her adventures in dating. It inspired the forthcoming rant. 
Picture it.
You go on a first date and it’s kind of… “meh.” So, you decide to give it another go. Maybe you both had first-date jitters.
So, you go on a second date and, once again, it’s kind of *sticks hand out* *wiggles it a little*.
But the guy asks you out again.
“Okay,” you tell yourself. “The dates haven’t been great, but they weren’t turrible either. Maybe the third time will be a charm. Let’s give it one more try.”
So you do.
But there’s no connection. No chemistry. No dice.
So, you resolve that it’s simply not a match.
The guy asks you out again & you tell him that you don’t think it’s working. The dates have have been lackluster [for both parties], so you think it best to just be friends and not waste one another’s time.
The guy doesn’t want to hear that.
The guy takes it personally. Almost as if he chose to ignore the mediocre-ness of your 3 dates.
So, the guy takes to ranting to you via text message.
“I’m a good black man and you black women say you want a good black man, but when you get one, you don’t know what to do with him.”
“Black women don’t know what they want.”
“Black women this.”
“Black women that.”
Dude. O_o
WTF?
His response was entirely too extra. [Issues, much?] Sweet Jesus, I hate when folks feel the need to exclaim, “I’m a good black (wo)man!” If you feel the need to go around broadcasting that to anyone who will listen? You’re doing too much. TOO MUCH. If you’re so good, it will show. Period. To quote Zora Neale Hurston, “Those that don’t got it, can’t show it. Those that got it, can’t hide it.”
Amen sister.
Secondly, why can’t you just call it what it was: a bad date. Not every date is going to be great. Not every date will lead to a woman falling in love with you. Some of them shits just plain don’t work out. You just have to count your losses and keep it moving until you find one that does. That’s, essentially, what dating is!
Thirdly, and most annoyingly, why dude gotta get all “anti-black woman” because of 3 lukewarm, awkward, I-coulda-stayed-home-and-given-myself-a-pedicure dates? Why dude [and a lot of black men, for that matter] gotta blame an entire group of people because his own singular personal individual dating history sucks.
Who’s the common denominator in that equation? O_O
Black women on the whole aren’t confused crazy desperate heffas. Hell, some of ‘em don’t even want a black man, so take the chip off your “I’m a good black man” shoulder. Nobody goes off on all latina/asian/white women if and when they go on mediocre dates with either of them. Don’t pull that shit with us.
Please accept this gift-wrapped folding chair and have a seat.
EJ replied one last time to that guy wishing him well. [She's so nice.] At least his crazy surfaced when it did. She dodged a bullet.
From one of those “good” black men to one heckuva black woman writer, well said.
Thanks, Ron. ‘Preciate that!
Good points. Could be a self-esteem issue masked as a “problem” he chose to ignore. Doesn’t make it right or wrong, but yeah….it was time for him to the bricks.
That’s true. It could be self-esteem or maybe this specific scenario has happened to him over and over again. Either way, clearly something is bothering him that’s much bigger than these 3 dates they went on. lol!
“Please accept this gift-wrapped folding chair and have a seat.” LoL… LOVED THIS POST!!!!
I can relate on so many levels. It’s really unfortunate when the “good Black man” enjoys the date more than the woman and he can’t stop calling or texting. That’s kinda what this story sounds like to me. He probably thought the dates were amazing.
Smh at his decision to send her those text messages.
Hmmm, I never thought of it that way. Maybe he *did* think their dates were awesome. From the sound of it though, they seemed pretty womp, but I did just get one side of the story. Still, he could have been a bit more gracious about her deciding to bow out. Especially since the way she handled it was more than polite.
Wow!!! At least it was discovered early on that dude was *in Cee-Lo Green voice* “CRAZY!!!”
LOL! Right. That could be his theme song. “I remember whennnn / I remember / I remember when I lost myyyy mi-ind!”
Awwww. Po thang. Seriously, though? I totally agree that your friend dodged a bullet. Any dude that is THAT extra over a date would be hell to be married to. Lawd, I worry the crap out of my husband but at least I waited until we were married before I did. LOL!