Paging my Inner-Beeyotch

[Yes, paging.]

I’m often described as the “nice one” or the “quiet one.”

My grandma used to call me a “little fairy.” [Or Chocolate Chip.  Or Honest Abe.]

My line name in my sorority is Halo.

You see where I’m going with this.

Usually, I’m okay with being seen as this nice girl because, for the most part, I am pretty nice.  I try to be kind to people, I’m fairly easy-going, I’m real good at admitting when I’m in the wrong and being like “my bad, dude,” and I have a knack for letting trivial shit roll off my back.  I just like for folk to get along.  Arguments make me uncomfortable and awkward; I usually try to say something funny or diplomatic so mofos can laugh it off or something.  [Doesn’t work so much, but it’s my way.  Lol!]

However, I’m realizing more and more that this easy-going-ed-ness that I have can get flipped to be something else.  So many people take kindness for weakness.  SO many.  Or shyness for arrogance.  Or quietness for stupidity.

I think it’s probably human nature.

I’m starting to understand why so many people feel the need to be SO extra and always announce who they are / what they know / who they know / what they’ve accomplished to anybody who cares to listen.

I don’t think that’ll ever be me.  No, in fact, I know that’ll never be me.  I CANNOT stand people like that.

But, it’s dawning on me that sometimes you have to remind people just how awesome you are – and that it’s OK to do so.  In relationships, with family, with friends, at work, or anywhere else, speak up and remind those fools about your awesome.  At work, mofos need to understand why you deserve that promotion, or even just be reminded of just how much you’ve contributed to their bottom line.  Even the ones who love you the most can take you for granted if you let them. [And by “you,” I mean “me.”]

I’m of the school of thought that the work will speak for itself.  An I do dang good work.  But, nope.  Gotta speak up.  And if I have a problem with something, I also need to be more proactive in vocalizing that.  I tend to let shit ride too long or withdraw and just be mad while the other party has no idea. LOL!  Or they think I was too dumb or dense to notice how they did me shady and then come emailing me six months later tombout how come we ain’t friends no mo‘. o_O  [Girl, bye.]

I’m real observant.  I see a lot more than most people know.  The “quiet” ones usually are.

Funny thing is, I not even actually all THAT quiet.  I’m obnoxiously loud sometimes.  I  just don’t unleash my personality until I know who I’m dealing with.  *shrugs*  That’s just how I do.

Still, though, there’s a way for me to be better at standing up for myself in the first place without having to completely kick folk all out of my life.

Along with that, I’m working on being more demanding and clear about what I expect from people in my life.  I’m independent enough to do most things on my own and I try not to inconvenience people, but I’m seeing more and more that when you don’t demand much, you don’t get much. [And by “you,” I mean “I.”]

I just need to get over this trepidation I have of not wanting to be seen as a bitch or a diva.  It’s okay for me to demand more from the people in my life, or to actually let things upset me, or to be like “listen, B.  I’m awesome, if you ain’t know.”

I have to awaken my dormant beeyotch more often.

And not feel bad about it.

Mission accepted.

7 thoughts on “Paging my Inner-Beeyotch

  1. Another classic, Chevonne. What you’ve written is basically the story of my 30-year career in communications. Since day one, my professional posture was that I wanted simply to be known for my work–period. But numerous times over the years, I watched as the colleagues who worked less, but who spoke up more and played the politics game got promoted right over me time and again. It’s amazing how folk misjudge we quiet ones, and yet still put the onus on us to be more vocal, though our work and work product is usually superior. The old saying goes, “When your work speaks for itself, don’t interrupt.” But invariably, it’s the tap-dancers who get the applause.

    • “But invariable, it’s the tap-dancers who get the applause.”

      Best line I’ve read in a while! Thanks for chiming in, Ron. It truly is frustrating to know that work doesn’t always speak for itself. Sometimes, I suppose, we have to put on our tap shoes, too.

  2. Girrrrrrl! You know I know. Had to tell this lil old white lady in my office not to take her sense of entitlement too far….it being black history month and all…had to make sure she knew about at least one black woman, namely ME. I’m pretty even keeled but yep, e’ry now and again folks wanna get beside themselves. And it becomes “checking” season. :)

    You even wrote this in a tone of “you got me twisted boo!” lol

    So glad you’re back!

  3. Pingback: Things… and more things!!! | Myths & Misconceptions about Women's Studies, Fall 2012

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