And Two Become One?

I Tweet and Facebook.  I blog when I can get a minute.  I Tumblr and Spotify and Instagram and will soon be Pinteresting.

[#doingtoomuch.]

But more and more over the past year or so, I find myself in situations at work/networking events and the like where people are like, “Hey, are you on Twitter?  What’s your name; I’ll add you.”

My face —> 0_0

See, until recently, I’ve tried as much as possible to be very church and state with my online life and real life.  For example, since facebook uses my real name, I don’t link any of my Brownngirl social networking to any of it.  I have a completely separate email address for that stuff, too.  It helps me stay organized and keep spam out of my every day firstname.lastname@ email address.

Not that I’m out here being Crazy Internet Person.  Not at all.  But Brownngirl is sort of my alter-ego.  It’s where I go when I want to vent, share anecdotes, or jokes about my day to day thoughts; opinions on things and people I may have dealt with or come across.  I don’t have to be diplomatic or polite.  And I don’t mind sharing Brownngirl with certain friends or coworkers.   I have, in fact, gotten a little more laxed with that separation over time [a little].  I’ve even added a picture or two of myself on this here blog.  That’s progress, people!

Funny enough, however, I never minded it as much the other way around. Like, I’ve met some dope people and made friends in real life with a couple people I’ve met through social networking.

Go figure.

But now, if I’m at a work or “professional” networking event, I don’t feel inclined to share Brownngirl with those folks.  Because I can come here and say WTF ever is on my mind and it doesn’t necessarily look “bad” on me and my abilities to do a job.  This doesn’t have to be in AP style. I can write in ALL CAPS EVERYTHING if I wanted to and #whogoncheckmeboo?  I can “LOL” all over the place.  I can use my descriptive phrases between stars. [*Fist Pump*] I can use oxford commas ALL DAMB DAY and Lawd knows I love the oxford comma [which apparently is a PR no-no].  I had a week-long argument with my manager about why I love the oxford comma so. LOL!

Long Live the Oxford Comma

So, I started to think, perhaps I should combine my alter-ego and me in real life.  I should be more open.  The lines between online personas and real life people have been blurred for a while now.  Go ahead and join the party.

But soon after, I rethought that.  “NAY,” I said.

I don’t want Brownngirl to become more restricted.  If I want to tweet about how such-n-such client gets on my nerves, I don’t want to worry about who’s reading it.

So then, I thought, I should open a new twitter.  Use my government name.  Tweet neutrally.  Generally. Add it to my LinkedIn profile. Tweet stuff I’d want people at networking events to know about me.  Then I can tweet there, “I’m at such & such a networking event! Yeah!”  [And then go on Brownngirl’s twitter and say, “I can’t stand networking events.”  Which is fairly true.  I don’t go to many because most of the time, they annoy me.]

But then, I thought, that sounds like too much damb work.  I’m already doing too much online, do I want to open YET ANOTHER account [to likely be semi-ignored]?!

But, I think it’s becoming a must.  I’m not ready to let Brownngirl go – yet, in order to “market myself” more, I need to come out of internet hiding with other writers and PR folks.  I suppose.

Ugh.  I’m always uncomfortable with the whole “marketing myself” thing anyway.  But, I’ve put this off for like 6 months and it’s becoming less and less avoidable.   So, we’ll see how this Brownngirl-in-real-life-representing-her-real-life-self-online thing works out. :)

Paging my Inner-Beeyotch

[Yes, paging.]

I’m often described as the “nice one” or the “quiet one.”

My grandma used to call me a “little fairy.” [Or Chocolate Chip.  Or Honest Abe.]

My line name in my sorority is Halo.

You see where I’m going with this.

Usually, I’m okay with being seen as this nice girl because, for the most part, I am pretty nice.  I try to be kind to people, I’m fairly easy-going, I’m real good at admitting when I’m in the wrong and being like “my bad, dude,” and I have a knack for letting trivial shit roll off my back.  I just like for folk to get along.  Arguments make me uncomfortable and awkward; I usually try to say something funny or diplomatic so mofos can laugh it off or something.  [Doesn’t work so much, but it’s my way.  Lol!]

However, I’m realizing more and more that this easy-going-ed-ness that I have can get flipped to be something else.  So many people take kindness for weakness.  SO many.  Or shyness for arrogance.  Or quietness for stupidity.

I think it’s probably human nature.

I’m starting to understand why so many people feel the need to be SO extra and always announce who they are / what they know / who they know / what they’ve accomplished to anybody who cares to listen.

I don’t think that’ll ever be me.  No, in fact, I know that’ll never be me.  I CANNOT stand people like that.

But, it’s dawning on me that sometimes you have to remind people just how awesome you are – and that it’s OK to do so.  In relationships, with family, with friends, at work, or anywhere else, speak up and remind those fools about your awesome.  At work, mofos need to understand why you deserve that promotion, or even just be reminded of just how much you’ve contributed to their bottom line.  Even the ones who love you the most can take you for granted if you let them. [And by “you,” I mean “me.”]

I’m of the school of thought that the work will speak for itself.  An I do dang good work.  But, nope.  Gotta speak up.  And if I have a problem with something, I also need to be more proactive in vocalizing that.  I tend to let shit ride too long or withdraw and just be mad while the other party has no idea. LOL!  Or they think I was too dumb or dense to notice how they did me shady and then come emailing me six months later tombout how come we ain’t friends no mo‘. o_O  [Girl, bye.]

I’m real observant.  I see a lot more than most people know.  The “quiet” ones usually are.

Funny thing is, I not even actually all THAT quiet.  I’m obnoxiously loud sometimes.  I  just don’t unleash my personality until I know who I’m dealing with.  *shrugs*  That’s just how I do.

Still, though, there’s a way for me to be better at standing up for myself in the first place without having to completely kick folk all out of my life.

Along with that, I’m working on being more demanding and clear about what I expect from people in my life.  I’m independent enough to do most things on my own and I try not to inconvenience people, but I’m seeing more and more that when you don’t demand much, you don’t get much. [And by “you,” I mean “I.”]

I just need to get over this trepidation I have of not wanting to be seen as a bitch or a diva.  It’s okay for me to demand more from the people in my life, or to actually let things upset me, or to be like “listen, B.  I’m awesome, if you ain’t know.”

I have to awaken my dormant beeyotch more often.

And not feel bad about it.

Mission accepted.

It’s Not Us. It’s You.

Shout out to my coworker EJ for this little gem from her adventures in dating.  It inspired the forthcoming rant. :)


Picture it.

You go on a first date and it’s kind of… “meh.”  So, you decide to give it another go.  Maybe you both had first-date jitters.

So, you go on a second date and, once again, it’s kind of *sticks hand out* *wiggles it a little*.

But the guy asks you out again.

“Okay,” you tell yourself. “The dates haven’t been great, but they weren’t turrible either.  Maybe the third time will be a charm.  Let’s give it one more try.”

So you do.

But there’s no connection.  No chemistry.  No dice.

So, you resolve that it’s simply not a match.

The guy asks you out again & you tell him that you don’t think it’s working.  The dates have have been lackluster [for both parties], so you think it best to just be friends and not waste one another’s time.

The guy doesn’t want to hear that.

The guy takes it personally.  Almost as if he chose to ignore the mediocre-ness of your 3 dates.

So, the guy takes to ranting to you via text message.

“I’m a good black man and you black women say you want a good black man, but when you get one, you don’t know what to do with him.”

“Black women don’t know what they want.”

“Black women this.”

“Black women that.”

Dude. O_o

WTF?

His response was entirely too extra.  [Issues, much?]  Sweet Jesus, I hate when folks feel the need to exclaim, “I’m a good black (wo)man!”  If you feel the need to go around broadcasting that to anyone who will listen?  You’re doing too much.  TOO MUCH.  If you’re so good, it will show.  Period.  To quote Zora Neale Hurston, “Those that don’t got it, can’t show it.  Those that got it, can’t hide it.”

Amen sister.

Secondly, why can’t you just call it what it was: a bad date.  Not every date is going to be great.  Not every date will lead to a woman falling in love with you.  Some of them shits just plain don’t work out.  You just have to count your losses and keep it moving until you find one that does.  That’s, essentially, what dating is!

Thirdly, and most annoyingly, why dude gotta get all “anti-black woman” because of 3 lukewarm, awkward, I-coulda-stayed-home-and-given-myself-a-pedicure dates?  Why dude [and a lot of black men, for that matter] gotta blame an entire group of people because his own singular personal individual dating history sucks.

Who’s the common denominator in that equation? O_O

Black women on the whole aren’t confused crazy desperate heffas.  Hell, some of ‘em don’t even want a black man, so take the chip off your “I’m a good black man” shoulder.  Nobody goes off on all latina/asian/white women if and when they go on mediocre dates with either of them.  Don’t pull that shit with us.

Please accept this gift-wrapped folding chair and have a seat.

EJ replied one last time to that guy wishing him well.  [She’s so nice.]  At least his crazy surfaced when it did.  She dodged a bullet.

New Kid.

I look forward to when I’m not “the new one” anymore.

Aside from having to try to fit in & make new friends, etc., being the new kid on the block or the new kid in school or the new kid any-dang-where means you have to keep up while you’re learning all the rules, habits, and nuances that everybody else already knows.

Me being the new-ish one at my office, I’m experiencing all of that.  And I don’t know if you realize, but I hate not knowing what I’m doing.  I just want to know it all already so I can just do what I need to do.

But I don’t.

So, I have to keep up, getting done what needs to be done in a timely fashion, while still learning how to do what I need to do, as I annoy people with all my questions that probably seem pretty freakin’ basic to them.

I’m straddling the line between trying to be proactive, but not being too presumptuous.  For example, say I get an email from a client or something that says something along the lines of, “Brownngirl, we need you to send us the June TPS reports asap.”

Pretty straight forward.

Do I put up the yellow light and be like, “Yo, boss, is it okay for me to send this dude the June TPS reports?”  Because I’m still green and I want to make sure that’s okay.

Or do I not bother the boss with obvious-arsed questions when obviously the client needs the June TPS reports asap and they’re an important client that we don’t want to keep waiting.

But then I have this fear that the one time I do send this dude the June TPS reports I’ll get berated with something like, “You send that dude the June TPS reports?!  WE DON’T SEND THAT DUDE JUNE TPS REPORTS!  Obviously he meant to say July!  Everybody knows dude only get the JULY TPS reports!!!”

What about other nuances like, for example, say everybody knows that when the big boss walks in wearing a purple shirt, it means don’t. mess. with. her.  And here I come, skipping up to the big boss in her purple shirt practically singing “good morniiiing!”  And then I get the Meryl Streep / Devil Wears Prada treatment because she’s in her purple shirt so, clearly she’s not in the mood.

And then I get fired and I’m living in my car.

*sigh*

Who am I kidding.  We all know I’m not that bubbly.

But you see where I’m going.

I just wanna know already.  I’m ready for every little nuance and responsibility to become second nature to me.

I guess that’s probably my age-old issue of being to focused on where I’m trying to go and not enjoying the trip enough.  And, knowing me, if I had everything down to a science already, I’d probably be bored.  So, maybe this whole post is moot.

Never mind.

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