And Two Become One?

I Tweet and Facebook.  I blog when I can get a minute.  I Tumblr and Spotify and Instagram and will soon be Pinteresting.

[#doingtoomuch.]

But more and more over the past year or so, I find myself in situations at work/networking events and the like where people are like, “Hey, are you on Twitter?  What’s your name; I’ll add you.”

My face —> 0_0

See, until recently, I’ve tried as much as possible to be very church and state with my online life and real life.  For example, since facebook uses my real name, I don’t link any of my Brownngirl social networking to any of it.  I have a completely separate email address for that stuff, too.  It helps me stay organized and keep spam out of my every day firstname.lastname@ email address.

Not that I’m out here being Crazy Internet Person.  Not at all.  But Brownngirl is sort of my alter-ego.  It’s where I go when I want to vent, share anecdotes, or jokes about my day to day thoughts; opinions on things and people I may have dealt with or come across.  I don’t have to be diplomatic or polite.  And I don’t mind sharing Brownngirl with certain friends or coworkers.   I have, in fact, gotten a little more laxed with that separation over time [a little].  I’ve even added a picture or two of myself on this here blog.  That’s progress, people!

Funny enough, however, I never minded it as much the other way around. Like, I’ve met some dope people and made friends in real life with a couple people I’ve met through social networking.

Go figure.

But now, if I’m at a work or “professional” networking event, I don’t feel inclined to share Brownngirl with those folks.  Because I can come here and say WTF ever is on my mind and it doesn’t necessarily look “bad” on me and my abilities to do a job.  This doesn’t have to be in AP style. I can write in ALL CAPS EVERYTHING if I wanted to and #whogoncheckmeboo?  I can “LOL” all over the place.  I can use my descriptive phrases between stars. [*Fist Pump*] I can use oxford commas ALL DAMB DAY and Lawd knows I love the oxford comma [which apparently is a PR no-no].  I had a week-long argument with my manager about why I love the oxford comma so. LOL!

Long Live the Oxford Comma

So, I started to think, perhaps I should combine my alter-ego and me in real life.  I should be more open.  The lines between online personas and real life people have been blurred for a while now.  Go ahead and join the party.

But soon after, I rethought that.  “NAY,” I said.

I don’t want Brownngirl to become more restricted.  If I want to tweet about how such-n-such client gets on my nerves, I don’t want to worry about who’s reading it.

So then, I thought, I should open a new twitter.  Use my government name.  Tweet neutrally.  Generally. Add it to my LinkedIn profile. Tweet stuff I’d want people at networking events to know about me.  Then I can tweet there, “I’m at such & such a networking event! Yeah!”  [And then go on Brownngirl's twitter and say, "I can't stand networking events."  Which is fairly true.  I don't go to many because most of the time, they annoy me.]

But then, I thought, that sounds like too much damb work.  I’m already doing too much online, do I want to open YET ANOTHER account [to likely be semi-ignored]?!

But, I think it’s becoming a must.  I’m not ready to let Brownngirl go – yet, in order to “market myself” more, I need to come out of internet hiding with other writers and PR folks.  I suppose.

Ugh.  I’m always uncomfortable with the whole “marketing myself” thing anyway.  But, I’ve put this off for like 6 months and it’s becoming less and less avoidable.   So, we’ll see how this Brownngirl-in-real-life-representing-her-real-life-self-online thing works out. :)

Paging my Inner-Beeyotch

[Yes, paging.]

I’m often described as the “nice one” or the “quiet one.”

My grandma used to call me a “little fairy.” [Or Chocolate Chip.  Or Honest Abe.]

My line name in my sorority is Halo.

You see where I’m going with this.

Usually, I’m okay with being seen as this nice girl because, for the most part, I am pretty nice.  I try to be kind to people, I’m fairly easy-going, I’m real good at admitting when I’m in the wrong and being like “my bad, dude,” and I have a knack for letting trivial shit roll off my back.  I just like for folk to get along.  Arguments make me uncomfortable and awkward; I usually try to say something funny or diplomatic so mofos can laugh it off or something.  [Doesn't work so much, but it's my way.  Lol!]

However, I’m realizing more and more that this easy-going-ed-ness that I have can get flipped to be something else.  So many people take kindness for weakness.  SO many.  Or shyness for arrogance.  Or quietness for stupidity.

I think it’s probably human nature.

I’m starting to understand why so many people feel the need to be SO extra and always announce who they are / what they know / who they know / what they’ve accomplished to anybody who cares to listen.

I don’t think that’ll ever be me.  No, in fact, I know that’ll never be me.  I CANNOT stand people like that.

But, it’s dawning on me that sometimes you have to remind people just how awesome you are – and that it’s OK to do so.  In relationships, with family, with friends, at work, or anywhere else, speak up and remind those fools about your awesome.  At work, mofos need to understand why you deserve that promotion, or even just be reminded of just how much you’ve contributed to their bottom line.  Even the ones who love you the most can take you for granted if you let them. [And by "you," I mean "me."]

I’m of the school of thought that the work will speak for itself.  An I do dang good work.  But, nope.  Gotta speak up.  And if I have a problem with something, I also need to be more proactive in vocalizing that.  I tend to let shit ride too long or withdraw and just be mad while the other party has no idea. LOL!  Or they think I was too dumb or dense to notice how they did me shady and then come emailing me six months later tombout how come we ain’t friends no mo‘. o_O  [Girl, bye.]

I’m real observant.  I see a lot more than most people know.  The “quiet” ones usually are.

Funny thing is, I not even actually all THAT quiet.  I’m obnoxiously loud sometimes.  I  just don’t unleash my personality until I know who I’m dealing with.  *shrugs*  That’s just how I do.

Still, though, there’s a way for me to be better at standing up for myself in the first place without having to completely kick folk all out of my life.

Along with that, I’m working on being more demanding and clear about what I expect from people in my life.  I’m independent enough to do most things on my own and I try not to inconvenience people, but I’m seeing more and more that when you don’t demand much, you don’t get much. [And by "you," I mean "I."]

I just need to get over this trepidation I have of not wanting to be seen as a bitch or a diva.  It’s okay for me to demand more from the people in my life, or to actually let things upset me, or to be like “listen, B.  I’m awesome, if you ain’t know.”

I have to awaken my dormant beeyotch more often.

And not feel bad about it.

Mission accepted.

A Little Patience.

 

I remember it well.  The time: December 2010.  The place: My desk.

I wrote this letter to Santa referencing the above photo asking him for a new iPod.  Mine was old, out of date, and out of room for new music.  I didn’t complain, for I loved my iPod.  It went with me everywhere and jammed on the one.

But I felt I was due for an upgrade, so I asked.  We have not because we ask not, right?

Welp.

Santa left me hanging last Christmas.  I chalked it up to him being short-staffed.  Prolly laid off a few elves and, as a result, some of us fell through the cracks.

It’s cool.  I wasn’t bitter.  I just kept my lil’ iPod and kept on steppin.

Little did I know, Santa didn’t forget about me.  As I mentioned in my last post, Apple had a recall on my generation of iPods (circa 2005).  I sent mine back… and they sent me…

!!!

It got it in the mail on Tuesday.  Shout out to Apple for sending me this new Nano with no prompting and at no charge.  I am definitely a satisfied customer.

…But I know who’s really behind this.

*high fives Santa*

Ohhhh, you!

Where the FEEZY Have I Been?!

Dudes & Dudettes.

How the heck are you people?  What’s been going on since I’ve been away?  Is Bush still in office?  Did they cancel “A Different World?”  Psonya’s son is probably in college by now, huh?  Sheesh!

So sorry to have fallen off the face of the blog-earth.  I have been crazy-busy, y’all.  CRAZY busy. And the longer you go without blogging, the easier it is to just not blog.  And the more daunting it is to start up again.  But, here I am. :)

I’ve gotten a LOT accomplished since my last post in May.  Let me fill you in. Grab yourself a cup of tea and an apple fritter.  This may be a long one…

For starters, I’ve turned into a running FOOL.  In May, I decided  to sign myself up for a 10K race that was coming up in July.  I figured I needed to give myself a goal to stick with my workout routine, because I’ll go hard for like a month and then completely fall off the wagon.  Well, my plan worked.  I actually ended up falling completely in love with running and I did 5 races this year:  two 5K’s, two 10K’s, and one 8K.

My Runner's World magazine pose

I’m currently trying to transition myself into winter-running.  I’ve learned that I do NOT enjoy the treadmill, so I’m going to try & keep up with my outdoor runs, at least on the weekends since it’s completely dark outside now by the time I’m out of work.  So, yes, training/running is one thing that’s been taking up my free time.

SPEAKING OF WHICH!  Do you remember ol’ boy from this post?  My CTA train booth worker slash Michael Jackson impersonator guy?  Well, I was running my 10K in July, and who do I see running the course as well?!  HIM.  As it turns out, he is INFAMOUS in Chicago races.  He’s broken records, run at LEAST 10 marathons, trains other people on running marathons, and he said he runs, at minimum, something like 50 miles per week.

I looked him up online and he is NO JOKE.  He’s now become my CTA train booth worker slash Michael Jackson impersonator slash running coach guy.  Now when we stop for our 3-minute conversation on my way to the train, he gives me running tips.  Coach Manny J.  Yes.  We were obviously meant to cross paths in life.

Okay, next up:

Movie Making!

So, I have some very talented friends and associates here in Chicago.  Just because I’m not in LA anymore (for the time being), that doesn’t mean I keep on trucking towards my little dreams.  That said, my super smart and talented friends and I got together and decided to move forward with producing an independent film.   We had a fundraiser at the House of Blues Chicago, as well as an online kickstarter campaign where we were able to raise all of the funds we need to produce our film.  The fundraiser was pretty damb dope!  We had drinks, mingled, and screened the teaser.

Let me tell you.  Standing in a room with a bunch of people who, for the first time, are watching something you created and having to stand there for their reactions?! Completely nerve-wracking.  The writer, director, producer, ALL of us were full of nerves.  But we got really good feedback and responses from the teaser.  Woot!  So, we look forward to going into production in January.

Please check out our website here:  http://www.fauspasfilm.com

Like our facebook here:  http://www.facebook.com/fauxpasfilm

Follow us on twitter here:  http://www.twitter.com/fauxpasfilm

AND check out the teaser!  Share it with your friends, coworkers, blog peeps, grandma, cousin Pete n’em… everybody!  Let me know what you think. :)

I’ll keep you posted on the progress as we move forward, too. :)  Obviously, this has been another time-consuming project I’ve had going on.

On top of that, I’m still contributing posts once/month over at Brownstone Magazine – an online magazine for teen girls of color.  Cha-mone and send your daughters, nieces, teen cousins, god-daughters and what not our way.  :)  http://www.brownstonemagazine.com.

Let’s see… what else…

I turned 30 last month!!!  *faints*  LAWD, y’all, where do de time go? It seems like I just turned 25 like yesterday and now I’m 30?  THIRTY?!  *faints again*

When I was younger, I really thought 30 would be more momentous.  Like, I would have everything figured out, be on track to being some kind of big shot making all sorts of money somewhere.  Not exactly.

I’m still finding my stride in life and trying different things.  I’m actually okay with that.  I feel like I’m coming into my own more now than ever before.  So, I actually look forward to what my 30′s will have to offer.  Bring it on, b*tches.

In another unexpected turn of events, I’m crossing my fingers that I get a new iPod for Christmas this year.  Remember this post from last year?  I wrote a very kind letter to Santa requesting a new iPod.  Well… Santa didn’t come through.  I gave him the benefit of the doubt, as I know he’s prolly short-staffed with the economy being what it is.  Elf layoffs and what not.

But, I don’t think Santa forgot about me, tho!  I found out from Mashable.com that there was a recall on my generation of iPod nano’s.  That’s right!  A recall.  Apple is being ambiguous as to whether or not they’ll just fix the problem and send back my old nano, or if I’ll get a new one.  Mashable predicts we’ll be getting new ones, though.  I sent my old one in.  Here’s hoping…

Good ol’ Santa!  Coming through in the clutch!  I like your style, St. Nick.

What else…

My best friend got married & is having a baby. *tear*

One of my favorite coworkers is leaving. *tear*

I’m currently on a 2-week staycation.  *fist pump*

Still working.

Still doing church stuff.

Still doing sorority stuff.

Spending time with boyfriend dude and trying to maintain some kind of social calendar.

So, as you can see, my plate is full… my cup runneth over… my ass is busy.

I know it’s no excuse for abandoning my blog, but something had to fall by the wayside… *shrugs*  I’m still on twitter though!  So easy to update in 140 characters or less vs. a full blog. LOL!

I’ll be back soon, though.  I have a bunch of rants built up from the last few months that need to see the light of day on this here blog. :)

Don’t forget to check out the teaser!

What’s beenup with y’all?  Catch me up!

*Tip Toes In*

*looks around*

This tumbleweed gif actually rolls on my dashboard, but notsomuch when I publish. Pfft.

So sorry to have left you guys hanging.

I gotta say, life has been non.stop. lately.  Between work/after-work work obligations, extracurricular activities/meetings, church obligations, trying to keep up with writing, and spending time with boyfriend dude, I’ve left the blog hanging.  Though I’ve been meaning to write for weeks now.

Excuses, excuses, I know.  But, it’s the truth.

I’m actually home sick today, which is why I have a second to regroup myself.  I can’t tell you the last time I’ve slept in.  I’m used to being on the go a lot, but, erruh, I’m not as young as I used to be.  lol!  I think my body decided to proverbially tap me on the shoulder like, “Excuse you.  We’re not 21 anymore.  You might want to sit down somewhere.”

So, I’m forcibly sitting my arse down for some R&R, gulping Airborne, Dayquil, orange juice, and green tea trying to recover.

In other news, the other blog I write for, Brownstone, has now launched its magazine.  It’s for teen girls of color, so send ‘em our way: http://brownstonemagazine.com.

Oh, and I restarted my tumblr, since I opened it in January 2010 & just left it hanging ’cause I didn’t get it.  It’s just a hodgepodge of stuff I like or find funny or interesting or what have you.  http://brownngirl.tumblr.com.

I do plan to return soon.  I just wanted to update since I had a minute.  Hopefully I’ll have something more interesting / less sleep-inducing the next time I update.  O_O

Have a good weekend, y’all.

I am the hottest of messes.

I leave my blog deserted for dang near two weeks & ain’t nobody even checked on me?  Left a comment of concern?  Shot me an email demanding I update?  Umm hmm.

I see how it is.  It’s cool.  I’m a big girl.  My feelings are really aren’t hurt.

Antyway, how are things?  What’s new?  What’s good?  I have so many random stories of things that have happened to and/or around me from the past couple of weeks, but I’ve not had the time to write about it.

Or maybe I just suck at time management.

Something like that.

Anywho, riding the CTA is creating a new Brownngirl.  And it’s not pretty.  I see myself getting more pushy, irritated, and rude by the day.  It’s become a defense mechanism.  People are SOOO rude.

I’ve totally given up on any kind of chivalry from men sitting comfortably in their seats as women or older folk stand up getting flung back and forth by train or bus movement.  Nah.  They just sit there reading the paper like, what.

So, fine.

Standing on the platform waiting to get on, mofos will CUT YOU ALL THE WAY OFF to board the train before you do.  No regard.

Y’all.

This girl cut me off so hard one time I was thisclose to yanking her ponytail back.

Then, mofos will practically challenge you to a foot race to scoop up a seat if there are only one or two available.  No courtesy.  No “oh you saw it first / you’re a lady / you’re carrying a lot of stuff, so you take the seat.”  Nawl.  None of that.  They’ll practically swoop in and sit under your butt to hijack your seat while you’re mid-squat.

Dude.

Then folks will sit on the outside seat leaving the other one open on a crowded azzed train or buss and huff & puff when you ask them to scoot over or move so you can sit.  [I like to do that on purpose. lol!]  Put that damb extra-medium bag, taking up all that space, on your damb lap and let somebody else sit down!  Hell.

People have become so rude that I feel I have to be the same way sometimes just to compete!  There’s a specific group of people that tend to be the most repeat offenders.  It’s like there’s this attitude of entitlement or something and I have frequent run-ins with these folks who will step all over you to get on/off/a seat on a train.  [I would say who, but it'd make me sound like I don't like white women.  Which isn't true, so I'll leave it be.  (However that bag-on-the-open-seat habit is colorblind.  That goes across the board.)]

One thing that makes me smile though is the CTA booth worker guy at the train stop I take on my way home.  This guy is definitely a “Chatty Kathy” who likes to take one too many hugs since taking a liking to me.  I now know that I can’t just swipe my card & head on down to the platform.  Nah.  We’re going to talk for at least a strong three minutes.  Maybe even four.

But, anyway.

Get this… this guy… at my CTA stop… moonlights on the weekends as a Michael Jackson impersonator.

I’m not even joking.

When he first handed me that flyer, I almost died laughing.  In fact, I think I did die.  I’m my own reincarnate at this point.

What are the chances?  Especially seeing as how I’m a HUGE MJ fan.  Now every Monday I get a recap of how his show the previous weekend went.  He’s invited me to come a few times.  He actually told me he was going to make me a DVD. (Lawd, I can’t.)

Obviously he takes his job seriously.  His eyebrows are nicely arched.  He’s got 90′s Michael swag happening with that one curl hanging from his forehead on purpose (Think: The BAD album cover).  I can’t tell if he has an S-curl or a Wave Nouveau or what.  And it doesn’t even matter.

My CTA booth operator worker guy is a Michael Jackson impersonator.  I feel like this was somehow orchestrated by a higher power.

Last tidbit.

I was heading home one day and after our 3-4 minute chat he says, “Well, I won’t keep you, I know you gotta… go.”

Y’all.

When he said “…go,” he punctuated the “go” by doing this move, with Michael precision, pointing in the direction of the train platform:

*flatlines*

As of Late…

3 Snow Days in a row; Sex & The City marathons; Bliss Foaming Face Wash; taking on new projects; catching up on blogs; catching up with friends; reassessing; trying my hand and making a Cuban-themed dinner – I’d give it a B; weekends with the boy; too much time on the internet; shoveling; reading; laughing; green eyeliner; red nail polish trial; red nail polish error; randomly bumping into people I haven’t seen in yeeeeears; looking forward to spring; blue suede booties; contemplating a hair change of sorts; plotting a getaway sometime in the near future.

What y’all been up to lately?

Marriage Material?

I was talking to my BFF the other night [we'll just call her "Bestest" for the purposes of this post] and after tallying the friends & associates of ours who have recently got engaged [in my world, the end of 2010 was Engagement Extravaganza], we got to thinking about ourselves and concluded, “maybe we’re not marriage material.”

Then there was a pause.

We were semi-joking.

I don’t think either of us really  meant that we’re not marriage material… per-se.  LAWD JEEBUS IN HEAVEN knows I can’t get with all the ten trillion surveys & statistics about why/how black women will never get married and that none of us are marriage material by default [see the paragraph above and go play in traffic if you buy into that crap].  I don’t count myself in that number & I’m sure Bestest doesn’t either.

But the root of why we probably said that was because we know… it takes a special person to deal with us.  LOL!

Bestest and I are alike in a lot of ways that may not always be the most conducive to a healthy relationship.  I can be very moody and the most random thing can sometimes set me off.  Same for Bestest.

Sensitive?  Check and check.

Withholding, stubborn, and overly-analytical about why you said what you said and why you said it how you said it?  You betcha.  Two times.

Outbursts  about something you did two months ago that randomly surfaces as you’re enjoying a bowl of Cap’n Crunch on a Saturday morning?  Sho ’nuff.

Plus, we both enjoy our alone time WAY too damb much.  LOL!  #Antisocial

[Sidebar:  Bestest and I can read each other like a book.  I wish I could explain this scenario better without getting into too much detail or making both of us look crazy, but we once had a about a month-long silent argument.  LOL!  We were roommates for 2 years in college, and basically we started to give/get bad vibes from one another, so we sort-of just stopped talking.  Mind you, there was never a disagreement over anything in particular or any fight about XYZ or anything of that nature.  We were perfectly "pleasant" on the surface, but we both knew something was off for some unknown reason.  Well, I knew my reason, and she knew her reason, but neither of us thought the other knew so we were trying to act like nothing was wrong even though we BOTH knew something was wrong with the other.  (Make sense?)  Finally, she broke the ice, we discovered what it was & we cleared the air.  The basis of the issue being that we're both sensitive.  (see above) LOL & SMH!]

So yeah.  We can be really hard to read at times, and depending on the scenario, the people who are closest to us have to tread lightly.

Sometimes, I really feel sorry for my boyfriend, ’cause I know how I am.

[Sometimes.]

Clearly, some of these issues have to get the boot, right?

But, on the other hand, though we have these reclusive tendencies, we’re a HOOT the majority of the time.  On the other hand, everybody on earth has issues of some kind and yet, people get married every day.  On the other hand, our awesome qualities farrrrr outweigh our… shall I say… relationship-stiflers.  On the other hand, there’s somebody for everybody.

We’re all a work in progress, and though there are some things [mentioned above] that make me get on my OWN dang nerves about myself, I like to think the good about me outweighs the bad.

Marriage material?  We likely are.

This happens every day.

Around 1am, Brownngirl sets her alarm clock for 7:00am and hits the sack.

My intention:

To enthusiastically greet the day after hitting the snooze button once at the most.

What actually  happens:

I grunt & roll my eyes at my alarm clock for bothering me.  Slap the snooze button about 3 times and wake up at 7:30.  [During this war with the alarm clock, I've convinced myself that I can get up, get dressed, and be out the door in 30 minutes.  I actually know that, for me, this is not true.  Try as I might, it's damn near impossible.  Yet, at 7am when I'm drunk on sleepiness, I convince myself that it can, in fact, happen. #lies]

My intention:

To coolly stroll into work at about 8:50 every morning.  Because to be early is to be on time.

What actually happens:

I bolt into the office between 9:01 and 9:15 because I missed the train I needed to get on to get there early because I left my house later than I wanted because I hit the snooze button 3 times because I convinced myself I could get ready faster than I could because I didn’t want to get out of the bed when I was supposed to.

What ideally happens during a 9-5:

workworkworkworkworklunchworkworkworkwork

What actually happens:

checkemailworkworkgooglereaderworklunchworkworktwitterworktextworkfacebookwork

My intention for the night:

At around 1pm, when the yawns inevitably start to catch me, I tell myself, with conviction, “TONIGHT will be the night.  I’m going to bed EARLY.  I shall stop whatever I’m doing and be in bed by 11:30pm.”

What actually happens:

Productivity [which, is a good thing], finish *most* of what I planned on finishing, watch TV, read, tweet, decide on clothes for the next day [yes, I'm one of those people], more TV, check facebook,  then look up to find it’s 1am.

Son of a biscuit!

So, I get ready for bed, set my alarm clock for 7am & hit the sack…

Tomorrow’s gonna be different.

O_O

Day 29 – Your Aspirations. & Day 30 – Another Moment.

Yeeeah, so it’s now 2011 and I STILL have two days of this activity to finish.  *smh*  I think I was over ‘em, so I ignored it.  I’m just going to take these last two & wrap up all of ‘em with this post. LOL!

Day 29 – Your Aspirations

Hmm… I feel like this is basically the same as “your dreams” from Day 15.  So, read that if you want.  But, regardless of where life takes me, I basically aspire to always stay true to myself, be genuine, and be willing to take risks.  [That's pretty un-specific, but it's sufficient for the purposes of this post.  LOL!]

Day 30 – Another Moment.

THIS moment, because I’m dunzo.

Happy Saturday, y’all.

Blog at WordPress.com.
The Esquire Theme.

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.