Shout out to my coworker EJ for this little gem from her adventures in dating. It inspired the forthcoming rant.
You go on a first date and it’s kind of… “meh.” So, you decide to give it another go. Maybe you both had first-date jitters.
So, you go on a second date and, once again, it’s kind of *sticks hand out* *wiggles it a little*.
But the guy asks you out again.
“Okay,” you tell yourself. “The dates haven’t been great, but they weren’t turrible either. Maybe the third time will be a charm. Let’s give it one more try.”
So you do.
But there’s no connection. No chemistry. No dice.
So, you resolve that it’s simply not a match.
The guy asks you out again & you tell him that you don’t think it’s working. The dates have have been lackluster [for both parties], so you think it best to just be friends and not waste one another’s time.
The guy doesn’t want to hear that.
The guy takes it personally. Almost as if he chose to ignore the mediocre-ness of your 3 dates.
So, the guy takes to ranting to you via text message.
“I’m a good black man and you black women say you want a good black man, but when you get one, you don’t know what to do with him.”
“Black women don’t know what they want.”
“Black women this.”
“Black women that.”
His response was entirely too extra. [Issues, much?] Sweet Jesus, I hate when folks feel the need to exclaim, “I’m a good black (wo)man!” If you feel the need to go around broadcasting that to anyone who will listen? You’re doing too much. TOO MUCH. If you’re so good, it will show. Period. To quote Zora Neale Hurston, “Those that don’t got it, can’t show it. Those that got it, can’t hide it.”
Secondly, why can’t you just call it what it was: a bad date. Not every date is going to be great. Not every date will lead to a woman falling in love with you. Some of them shits just plain don’t work out. You just have to count your losses and keep it moving until you find one that does. That’s, essentially, what dating is!
Thirdly, and most annoyingly, why dude gotta get all “anti-black woman” because of 3 lukewarm, awkward, I-coulda-stayed-home-and-given-myself-a-pedicure dates? Why dude [and a lot of black men, for that matter] gotta blame an entire group of people because his own singular personal individual dating history sucks.
Who’s the common denominator in that equation? O_O
Black women on the whole aren’t confused crazy desperate heffas. Hell, some of ‘em don’t even want a black man, so take the chip off your “I’m a good black man” shoulder. Nobody goes off on all latina/asian/white women if and when they go on mediocre dates with either of them. Don’t pull that shit with us.
Please accept this gift-wrapped folding chair and have a seat.
EJ replied one last time to that guy wishing him well. [She's so nice.] At least his crazy surfaced when it did. She dodged a bullet.