Own up & move on.


I’d like to drop a little cryptic rant about something I’ve recently dealth.  I just saw something else about it that sparked this post.  [This person doesn't read my blog, but whatevs.]

You asked me why we don’t keep in touch (well, “us” but for the purposes of this post, I’ll just speak for me).  As if you have no worldly idea that we weren’t really all that cool during the time that we were in touch.  In fact, more often than not, you went out of your way to act an ass, passive-aggresively insult me, and try to purposely push my buttons.

Guess what?

I don’t have to put up with isht like that.  And so, I don’t.

Once time & space moved us on, I moved right the fugg on. Radio silence like a mofo.  Why wouldn’t I?  You think your attempts at bullying & belittling me would make me want to befriend you more?  Really?  #cmonson

Imagine my surprise when I get an email from you talmbout how you don’t know why we lost touch and you “miss me” this and “friendship” that and “lets reconnect” this.

Girl, bye. O_o

You must have a case of amnesia or something.  You have to know you were completely ratchet to me.

Maybe you don’t know.  So I responded to your email explaining to you exactly why I dropped off the face of your earth.

[As if you had no idea. O_O]

I put everything on the table as kindly as I knew how.

Thing is, I’ve been there.  There was a girl I worked with before and I treated her like complete ISHT, and it didn’t even have anything to do with her as a person.  It was just the scenario.  I was jealous of her because she got a job that I felt I deserved and I was SUPER resentful about it at the time.  She was definitely the bigger person.  She killed my arse with kindness, even though I was an ice queen to her.

Over time, I realized I was acting a COMPLETE itch-bay and I took it upon myself to sincerely apologize to her for it and explain where I was coming from.  I’m thankful that she was gracious enough to accept my apology and now, a good year or so later, we’re cool as a fan.

Imagine if I woulda stepped to her talmbout “I know we don’t work together no mo’, but I miss you.  Why come you don’t ever call me?”

O_O

When you realize you’ve made a mistake… it may suck.  You may realize you were a total and complete ass, as I did.  You may want to hide that from the world, or even yourself.  Because, let’s face it, nobody wants to be disliked.  Nobody wants to own up to the fact that they may suck.

But once you’ve come to that realization, you have to own up to that isht.  It’s the only way to get over it.

Don’t pass the buck.  Don’t play the victim.

YOU effed up.  So YOU apologize and make amends.  Then everybody can move on.

When you try to deny & avoid & cry & get mad & point the finger, it only makes you look worse.  And right now, homie?  You are definitely denying & avoiding & crying & getting mad & pointing the finger & whining & leaving passive-aggresive facebook posts.

And what amazes me the MOST, is that it’s all seemed to fall on deaf ears.  You’ve owned up to absolutely nothing in your part in this.  You’ve apologized for nothing.  You’ve tried to see my perspective on nothing.

After I DIRECTLY told you the deal.  It went in one ear & out the other.  Not even a genuine “my bad.”

What chu expect me to do with that, homie?

So, sorry.  Won’t be no reconnecting over here.  If you can’t take a look at yourself in this scenario, we can keep right on being estranged.  To quote another person in the email thread, “I don’t fraternize with people who treat me poorly.”

Word is bond.

Faux Logos. The Obvious Kind.

Ladies, I know there’s pressure to have the latest greatest shoes/purses/accessories, etc.  But, dab-nabbit, I canNOT get with those blatantly, obviously, UNdiscreet-tryna-be knock off purses that some of you leave the house with.

Having a designer label is SERIOUS for some people… whether it’s a real label or not.  A lot of knock offs are actually good and you can barely tell the difference [at least I can't.  Most of my bags come from Urban or H&M, so what do I know?].

But somma y’all?  *sigh* Somma y’all are gross offenders.

Coach & Louis Vuitton are victimized the most often.  I’ve seen countless people with “Coach” bags where the “C” logo may as well have been the number eight .  LV bags that basically scream to us “Louis didn’t actually make this.”

Why y’all?  Why?

You ain’t foolin’ nobody.

Nobody.

Like, for realsies.  So carrying the bag totally defeats the purpose.  Don’t you see?

If you’re a label whore, save up until you can afford a real one.  Or find a better quality knock-off somewhere.  Anywhere.

If not, just holla at Nine West, Norstrom Rack, Filene’s Basement, Marshall’s, H&M, Urban Outfitters, hell Target.  I could go on.  They have nice / cute / stylish bags for you to use in the mean time that don’t try too hard to be something they’re not.  [This makes sense.]

Remember when you were a kid?  And evvvverybody had those new Nike’s?  But one or two kids’ moms shopped at Payless [before Payless' shoes got better]?  And they came to school with those faux Nike’s that had the lightning bolt on the side that was trying to be the Nike swoosh?  And they were called “Spike’s” [pronounced SPY-kees] or something like that?  And they would have just been better off getting a pair of Keds or Adidas or something instead of wearing those Spike’s?

Yeah, that’s what this is.

I get that everybody somewhat copies off the greats in one way or another.  A lot of stores and designers make their own version of the wrap dress, but the tag inside doesn’t say “Joanne Von Furstenslurg” now, does it?  [Because that wouldn't fool anybody.  Get it?]

Egregiously faux logos are no bueno. Your purses are trying too hard and failing miserably.

Kind of like McDowell’s in the movie, one of my favorites, “Coming to America.”

Don’t let this be you.

A Holy-Rollin’ Facebook Friend.

I have my fair share of Facebook friends who are Christians. I count myself in that number, actually.  *raises my own hand*

A small portion of those wear their religion on their proverbial e-sleeve, as most of their status updates, I notice, have something to do with God or church or da DEBIL.

And that’s all-to-the good, of course.  More than a couple of times I’ve given my “holler-looyers” at some of the updates if I felt so inclined.  #GodIsGood

With me, however, the messenger can [sometimes] be just as important as the message.

There’s someone who I all but stopped talking to after a certain point because of the kind of person she was:  Bullying, manipulative, a source of drama, selfish, argumentative, condescending, vengeful, and rude.  I could go on.  For as long as I was around her, I basically kept her at arms length, because I never found her trustworthy.  Ever. [And she's proven me right.]

Once it got to the point where we no longer had to be around each other as much, I cut off most contact with her.  I didn’t like who she was as a person, so I felt it unnecessary to stay in touch.  We’re still Facebook friends though, but she’s one of the “friends” I don’t typically interact with.  [Actually, I have about 650 facebook friends, but I only regularly talk to like 12 of 'em.  LOL!  I'd assume that's true with most people, yes?  I digress.]

Seeing her Facebook updates, though?  You’d really think they were two different people.  They’re filled with scripture and how she’s a prayer warrior and praying for this and praying for that and just all very Holy-Rollerrific.  At first, I  found it funny and I would issue regular side-eyes like like the following –> O_o.

I know that she comes from a religious family, and she probably believes everything she says when it comes to her faith.

But, still, having gotten to know her…

As a person…

I had to stick with my first response –> O_o

What can I say?  People do change.  And maybe she’s bettering herself since I last talked to her.  Lawd knows I ain’t perfect, either, but her case was just… NIGHT and DAY.  JECKYLL and HYDE.  I kid you not.

A lot of people tend to side-eye folks who they know as being one way in real life, but are holy-rollers [or WHATEVER other persona they take on] on the internets, just like I did.  Some people may have, indeed, seen the error in their ways and may be trying to change for the better.  Everybody takes their own journey.

So, I recognize that maybe I shouldn’t judge.  I can accept that.

But, I’ll surely sum up with my two cents on the matter:  Nobody expects you to be perfect, but your character speaks as much as, and sometimes more so than, your faith.  You can climb on the rooftops with a bullhorn & preach the word better than T.D. Jakes n’em, but if you suck as a person, your message is instantaneously drowned out.

Keep that in mind before you play the Jesus card.

World AIDS Day.

I think, by now, we should ALL be somewhat aware of the statistics and rapid spread of HIV & AIDS.  Here are some numbers I hijacked from The Red Pump Project website [I didn't wear my red pumps today because it's 12 degrees & snowing out, but I'm rocking the Red Pump in spirit :)]:

  • 33.4 million people are living with HIV/AIDS worldwide
  • 2.1 million of those are children under 15
  • 2.9 million people were newly infected with HIV in 2009
  • 1.8 million people died from HIV-related causes in 2009
  • 67% of the people living with HIV/AIDS are in Sub-Saharan Africa
  • Young people account for half of new HIV infections

This is from the World AIDS Day Website:

  • The number of people living with HIV in the UK has (tripled) in the last 10 years
  • More than 90,000 people are living with HIV in the UK
  • Over a quarter of people with HIV in the UK are undiagnosed
  • About two thirds of people living with HIV are men and a third are women
  • Over half of all people living with HIV are aged between 30 and 44, but there are significant numbers both of young people and older people now living with HIV

And this from Rollingout.com:

  • Today in America, 152 people will become infected with HIV. Half of them will be Black.
  • Today in America, 2/3 of the new HIV cases among women will be black. [Did y'all see that?!  THAT'S 67 PERCENT!]
  • Today in America, 70 percent of the new HIV cases among youth will be black.

The numbers & statistics can be broken down for days.  It’s clearly out there.

What are you doing in your own life to prevent it from even happening?

We can’t live in a bubble, and I know that there is always at least a slight risk of contracting this disease outside of your own control… BUT, there are certainly things in your control that you can do to protect yourself.

I gotta be honest.  I’m almost tired of everybody having to beg people to take action in protecting themselves against this disease.  I get that sex is awesome.  Everybody’s doing it [God-forbid you even suggest NOT doing it] and living it up and sexing you down and working you out and inventing sex (O_o).

Well, work it on out then… but do you think it’s worth your life?

Methinks not.

In fact, meknows not.

If you’re gonna be doing what you do… PROTECT YO’SELF every time.  Get tested.  KNOW YOUR effing STATUS.

Pretty please?!

Hell.

I suppose a lot of people don’t think it can happen to them.  Shoot,  I’m probably in that camp on some level.  I’d be lying if I didn’t say all the stories of married women catching HIV from their husbands didn’t scare the bejeezus out of me.  [Not that I'm married or anything, but you get what I mean.]  Talk about the ultimate violation of trust & sacredness.  Lorena Bobbitt needs to be on speed-dial for women in that situation.

And of course there could be blood transfusions gone awry, needle-sharing, and so forth.  Like I said, not everything will always be in your control.

But, when it comes to things that are within your power, USE YOUR POWER.  The numbers don’t lie.  AIDS is all up in yo’ area, son.  America, the UK, Africa, and then some.  Ignorance is not bliss and we should be doing all that we can for ourselves & for others to stop the spread of HIV & AIDS.

*steps off soapbox*

*turns up ‘We Are the World’*

I see how it is.

I’m not very bragadocious.

I’ve accomplished a lot & done a lot of things in life, but I don’t necessarily wear it on my sleeve.  And, to me, people who do feel the need to announce all that they’ve done and all of their accolades to anyone who will listen come across as trying too hard or doing too much.

It irks me.

Interestingly enough, it seems that some people do need to hear about all of your accolades before they decide whether or not you’re important enough to get to know.  I’ve come across more than a few people who, upon being first introduced, barely gave me the time of day.  Then, upon finding out who I knew or where I worked or what group I was a member of or what school I went to, literally did a complete 180.  Like, went from barely making eye-contact to giving empty flattery & blowing smoke up my arse.

The change was so obvious and drastic that it was comical.  And so see-through.  And they like to act as though it’s not. O_o

People like that?  I already know how to keep them in their lane & play the game.  I can play it friendly… but I’ve already seen your true colors & I know we’re not “friends.”  It’s probably more of an associate / networking type deal, and that is what that is.

But what blows my mind the most is that most of these types are typically not as “important” as they think they are, per-se.  I’ve had bosses & coworkers & have met people who are BIG TIME in the game of life, and they were way more personable & genuine than some of these other “case of the fake people” type people I’ve come across.

You never know who that person is on the other end of that handshake, they could be kind of awesome.  [Not to say that I'm kind of awesome, necessarily.  But, I am kind of awesome.]   So try treating that person like a person – even if they can’t necessarily help you get ahead or don’t come from the kind of pedigree you think they should come from.

I hate that kind of snobbery.

But, hey, maybe I should appreciate that kind of blatant disregard.  At least then you know where you stand right off the bat.  *shrugs*

Morning Escalator Etiquette

There are certain unspoken rules / social norms that most of us adhere to without even thinking about it.

You get on an elevator?  You face the door and/or stand on the complete opposite end of the other person already on it.

You go to a movie that’s not sold out?  You better leave at least one seat between you & and that stranger you’re sitting nearby.

You drive slow?  Keep to the right when you’re on the freeway (or just get off & take the streets.  You’re probably driving too slow anyway).

That said… somma y’all CTA patrons may need a refresher on escalator etiquette in the morning.

Sweet Jesus.

When you get off the subway… and it’s Downtown Chicago… between about 7:30-10am, 90% of these people are in a hurry.  There is a set escalator decorum that some of you have a heinous disregard for.

And I won’t stand for it.  Not another second.

The escalator I go up is narrow; it only has enough width for 2 people.  So, if you get on the escalator.  And you’re not going to walk up the escalator?  You stand your arse to the right. –>

Those of us who want to walk up the escalator?  We use that left side.  It’s like driving.

Sometimes it’s a crap-shoot once you get on the escalator, because you’ll find out 1/4th of the way up that some fool decided to get in that left lane and just stand there, causing a traffic jam behind her [yes, her.  It's always a woman.  And 9 times out of 10,  a Black woman.  #facepalm] because she won’t take that one simple little step to the right & let the foot traffic pass her.

And the right side is already full of other “escalator standers,” so there’s no getting around her.  We’re just stuck standing there trying to suppress thoughts of pushing her off the side of the escalator so we can get around patiently.

Up with this, I will not put.  If you can’t adhere to escalator etiquette, then you’re not allowed on the escalator.  You take the stairs.

The elevator.

A hot air balloon.

Mary Poppins’ umbrella, for all I care.

Just get out of the way.

Maybe I’ll start a petition to get the CTA to revoke escalator privileges for repeat offenders with flagrant disregard for the system.

[But, that might mean being the annoying person with the clipboard in the subway that everybody ignores.  Plus, I'm anti-social.  Not a winning combination.  #missionaborted]

My .04 Cents.

Hey kids.  How was the weekend?  Good?

Good.

So, yeah, there are a few things that seem to be permeating my space as a member of Black America as of late, so I’m chipping in my .02 cents on these two topics that I can’t seem to avoid right now.

#1 – The big TP

That’s right, Tyler Perry.  I’ve gotten two separate Evite invitations to go & see FCG this past weekend.  I didn’t go.  I just wasn’t amped to see it.

From what I’ve seen and  heard, people either loved it or hated it.  But that’s typical for a TP film, right?  Right.

I haven’t seen all of his movies, but his track record hasn’t been the greatest for me.  Why Did I Get Married [the first one] and The Family that Prey’s were not bad, actually.  Meet the Browns, however, was one of the worst movies I think I’ve ever seen in my life.  House of Payne & Meet the Browns [the TV shows] are also just SO sub-par.  Just SO... didn’t curl all the way over.  In my opinion.  And his stage-plays?  Never been a fan.

His characters tend not to have any depth or dimension and they can be very over the top.  The messages tend to be RIGHT on the nose.  Like one of the characters will literally explain the moral to the story in a moment of dialogue, instead of just letting the overall story actually tell the story.  That isht is like fingers on a chalk board.  Drives me ALL THE WAY up a wall.  LAWD.

To his credit, he has some funny actors.  I’d be lying if I said I didn’t CTFU at Madea.  And the lead actor dude on House of Payne.  He’s hysterical.  Still, they’re not enough to save a bad script.

I will say, I cannot knock his hustle.  Tyler Perry has the drive and chutzpah to find a way to get his stuff produced by any means!  He’s built an empire from nothing and that’s definitely something to be commended.

But people have such polarizing opinions about TP that Ion’t even like to discuss my thoughts on the matter with certain people because they don’t want to see both sides of the coin.  It’s like politics!  They either STAN for this guy [because "he shows films that uplift black women / he's not afraid to talk about God / he touches on 'real' issues / etc."], or they have a seething hate for all that he does [because "his films are full of coonery / he hates Black men / he puts out a poor image of Black people/ etc."].  I’m somewhere in the middle.  I’m a TP non-partisan.

At the end of the day, dude has an audience.  I don’t particularly care for his work, but obviously a lot of other people do.  Will I ever see FCG?  Prolly so.  Am I expecting to be blown away?  Likely not.  Here’s part of a comment I left on a post over at The Grio about TP that pretty much sums up my sentiments:

If you like his movies, by all means, continue to support.  But a Black person should not have to automatically support a Black film if they don’t think it’s quality. Period. #endofsentence Just because the message is a positive one, it does not equate to the film being good. There’s an art to film-making, which he hasn’t yet mastered. *shrugs*

But, again, kudos to him. I wish him further success & better storytelling.

And there’s my .02 on that.

#2 – Natural Hair

I’m a little… shall I say… weary on this natural hair discussion.  See, a lot of women are “going natural” now and, hey, that’s wassup in my book.  I’ve been a natural since ’04, so this isn’t new to me.  Hell, I WISH there were as many blogs & youtube videos to go to for advice & support when I transitioned.

But, what I’m getting sick of [well, have been sick of for a while] is the discussion around the natural hair discussion.

Makes sense, yes?

No?

Okay, lemme ‘splain.  Black women, it seems, are transitioning in droves these days.  With that, you have some of the OG naturals who have become Natural Hair Nazis and say all these new transitioners are doing it because now it’s a “fad.”  Or you have the naturals who think that they’re now so much better & “blacker than thou” because they have natural hair & you don’t.

O_O

*sigh*

Y’all… that isht get’s on my damb nerves.

I was out with my sister one time… she’s natural too, but on this particular day she flat ironed it.  We’re at a house party & this girl [who I could only assume was a new natural] was talking about how she was looking for products because she couldn’t tame her hair with all the humidity & moisture this & youtube that & so on.  My sister said something like, “yeah, I know what you mean.  My hair acts a fool when it’s humid, too.”  And ol’ girl responds with, “But still, I’m natural so you probably don’t know what I’m talking about.”

O_O

Look.  I’m so glad you’re proud & you’re free to be you & are all “natural hair don’t care” and what not, but please… let’s not feel ourselves too much.

Now, I STAN for gorgeous big hair.  I love the different styling options, etc.  I am not a fan of perms or weaves for ME.  And that’s my prerogative.  But if somebody else chooses to do what they do with their hair, by all means let ‘em do it.  Take the chip off.  If you’re a new natural, don’t treat your permed friends like you’ve “seen the light” and they’re lost in permed darkness.

If you’re an OG natural, why resent those who may be going natural as a “fad?”  Who cares?  They’ll probably switch it up again when the natural “fad” passes.  Get over yourself.  Let people do what’s right for them WHEN it’s right for ‘em.

My final .02 cents.

Thank you & goodnight.

Day 22 – Something that upsets you.

Well, there are many… manymany things that get on my damb nerves.  Just click on the “Tell ‘em why you mad” category to get the gist of a few.  For today’s topic, I’ll talk focus on one that has particularly burned my biscuit lately.

Internet muhfuggin gangsters.

They truly piss me off.

If there’s a post on like CNN.com or any other kind of main stream publication that happens to be about Black people or Black issues… take a scroll on down to the comments section, I dare  you.

People show their true colors in the ugliest ways.  I’ve seen some of THE most hateful, racist, judgemental, hypocritical, spiteful and vindictive comments in those scenarios.

For example, remember that whole “ghetto wig at Khol’s” debacle from a couple of weeks ago?  I read a short entry about it on a website from a small newspaper in like Michigan… and the article was only talking about how well Khol’s handled the PR.  Now, most of the editorial posts on this website had maybe 6-10 comments, tops.

THIS post?  This post about how Khol’s handled the PR about the ghetto wig debacle?  It had about 108 comments, and the day wasn’t even over.  People went IN on how Black people are too easily offended… how we need to “go back home” if we don’t like it here O_O…. how first they can’t say the N-word, and NOW they can’t call our hair “ghetto” O_O…. I swear I wanted to jump through the computer & fight somebody.

And what kills me is that the article was not even racially charged.  It was about PR!

For isht like that, I typically try not to even scroll all the way down to the comments section, because I already know what’s going to be there & I don’t need the aggravation.  I literally feel my head about to explode when I read that shit and it’s coming from a bunch of anonymous commenters Ion’t even know.   I do know that not EVERYBODY thinks that way… but reading too much of it will make you think they do.

Other types of Internet gangsters who piss me (the hell) off are the ones on these gossip blogs.  (Actually, the gossip bloggers can piss me off too… which is why I don’t read ‘em.)  Some of these folks on the YBF, Perez Hilton, Media Takeout, etc. do NOTHING but spew hate.  Like, all day.  Like, they get some kind of satisfaction or validation from sitting behind their whack ass computers & hating on any and everybody.  Famous or not.

There’s a difference between being humorous / funny / clever and just being hateful & cruel.  I think a lot of people who comment on those websites can be the latter.

Thus, I avoid them shits.  All of ‘em.

No need in letting a bunch of randoms behind the anonymity of a screen name from the comfort of their own keyboard upset my steelo on an otherwise pleasant day.  Hell.

Trife…

Ladies, let me tell you something. I love us… I really do.  But often times WE get on MY dang nerves! Broads can be SO trife.

Let me explain myself.

Earlier tonight, I was at an event mingling as well as an anti-social butterfly can. I was kind of minding my own business off to the side and this guy comes up & starts chatting. So we’re standing there chatting and laughing. Laughing and chatting. Just the two of us, mind ya.

After about 15-20 minutes, these 3 broads come over to where we’re standing and start talking to him. [You know how folks come interrupt your conversation & then make it a point to NOT talk to you or include you in the convo?  Just talk to one person and not both?  Yeah, they pulled that bull.] So, I’m standing there while these three, semi-drunk 2520’s come over and bogart the conversation to talk to the dude. After a few minutes they walk away and one girl hands the guy I’m talking to a little crumbled up sheet of paper with her phone number on it.

O_o

Hold. Up.  Now, I’m not mad at that in general.  I mean, dude’s not my man or anything close to it.  We even chuckled about it after the fact, but, still, it’s the principle.  That isht was SO disrespectful!  WHO THE FUGG does that?  How does she know I wasn’t his date or something?  Maybe she ain’t care.  Had I realized what she gave him before they walked away, I would have said something to her about it.  JUST TRIFE!

This is not the first time something like that has happened to me.

I’ve been at events with ex-boyfriends in the past & some girl will walk by and grab him on the ass on the opposite side from where I was standing.  Or walk over and blatantly start flirting with the man who was CLEARLY my man/date.  One time in college, one girl actually excitedly ran over & jumped in my boyfriend (at the time)’s arms.  Like arms & legs wrapped around him.  And I’m standing right there.  FOH!

In the words of my mom, “hussies are everywhere.”

I try to be nice to other women because I feel like drama is unnecessary.  Especially with someone I don’t know.  It’s such a tired stereotype & I wish women weren’t so catty with each other.  But, hell, now I see why.  I would never do something that disrespectful to another woman, and I expect the same.  But, clearly, it doesn’t always work out that way.

Point noted.

Y’all with boyfriends/husbands, has anything of the sort happened to you before?

Note to self:

People will only do what you let them.

If you don’t want to do something, DON’T DO IT.

Even if family is asking. If you don’t want to do it… don’t.

Say no.

[And don't feel guilty about it.]

Rinse.

Repeat.

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