My, my, my.

The last few weeks have been an absolute flurry of racist happenings, right?  Almost makes me dizzy!  [Dare I even call it racist.  I don't want to be accused of playing the "race card". o_o]

So, let’s talk about it.

I don’t even need to recap the Trayvon Martin situation.  We all know the story.  I’ll just share some links of people like The Black Snob, Tim Wise, and Sinead O’Connor whose opinions I am completely on board with.  When you get a chance, check out their perspectives. [The Black Snob especially hit the nail on the head as far as I'm concerned.]

And I am SO PROUD of social media for pushing to get this case some national exposure.  I think this was a great example of the people rallying and demanding justice.  And the powers that be responded – and hopefully justice will prevail.  Or at LEAST due process.

*kicks rocks that GZ was free to go home, unwind, eat dinner, read a good book and chill after having murdered an innocent kid*

Then, last week, some new news came about.  The Hunger Games was about to hit theaters! OMG!  It was like the next Harry Potter, Twilight type teen hero movie.  It was #1 at the box office last weekend and broke records for it’s opening weekend numbers.

Little did people know, a couple of the main characters were black girls.

*SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECH!*

Wait, what? What the hell happened here?  Black people?  In the movie version of our beloved book that was for us decent white peopole?  They’re main characters?  Not the sassy black friend?  Not a maid?!

*stomps foot*

They would not stand for it!

They took to twitter to air their grievances about the casting choices.  Jezebel.com wrote couple of great articles about it here & here.

From Jezebel.com

Even though, apparently, the book described the characters as having “dark brown skin,” maybe the readers thought the writer was conveying that the girls had really nice tans or something?

*shrugs*

Oh, but that’s not all.

Have you guys heard of the amazeballs & hilarious web series The Misadventures of an Awkward Black Girl?  If not, take a break from this long post, go over there and watch a few episodes.  You will LOL all over yourself, promise.  Great stuff.  And I’m not just blowing smoke up the show’s arse.  It is genuinely a hilarious, on-point show that I can certainly relate to.  Do you know how infrequently that happens with me?!  Especially post 200o [with the exception of Girlfriends].  That almost never happens.  So to have a show where the main character is a regular black girl dealing with awkward situations that we all deal with AND be funny, well written, and well acted?

Well, after putting in a whole lot of work, producing a great web series, putting together a great marketing campaign and building a huge following, Issa Rae [the writer/producer/star of ABG] was nominated for a Shorty Award for her work.  The Shorty Awards are an an event that honors some of the best in short-form content on the web/social media.  It’s a big deal in those internet streets.

So, not only was Awkward Black Girl nominated… it WON.  Woo hoo!

*throws confetti* 

So glad to see this great series get even more recognition.  Aren’t we all?!

From xojane.com

Oh.  Guess not.

Doesn’t the Shorty Awards know that black content is inferior to white content?!  How dare you award her show over ours.   She doesn’t even play a maid.  Explain yourself, Shorty Awards.  Explain!

*stomps foot*

And, on a more local note, I just read about an incident this morning where a chick who worked at a bar on the north side went completely batshit on her facebook about how “dirty” and “ignorant” these “dirty n*ggers” are that visited her place of employment.  [She was soon fired from the joint, but whatevs.  Full story is here.]

From here: http://312diningdiva.blogspot.com/2012/03/proof-bartenders-racist-rant-put-on.html?m=1

[O_O at Andy for cosigning everything.  He just wants to date her.  "Hey you're racist?  ME TOO!  We should totally go out!"]

Here’s my thing.

This is not surprising.  ALL of the above that I’ve talked about is nothing new.  Nothing at all.

In my humble little black girl opinion, why do I have to care?  Why does other people’s racism have to be my problem?  Be racist.  Don’t like me.  That’s your issue.  Not mine.  Kick rocks, B.

I’m actually kind of awesome.

The only thing that makes me irate about it all is the way we’re assumed to have to deal with it and how it affects our kids.  How our little black girls and boys are taught self-hate and that they are ugly and unworthy and “less-than” from the moment they are born.  That’s the shit that pisses me off.  White peoples opinions about black people have permeated society.  It’s permeated even OUR thoughts so that we believe your racism.  We hate ourselves now, too!

We’re taught growing up that we HAVE to work twice as hard to be seen as equal. [And we're still not seen as such.]  That white doctors, lawyers, accountants, actors, agents, managers, movies, tv shows, security guards, whatever are ALL superior!

What kind of bullshit is that?

My future daughter or son should have the right to feel the same kind of freedom to be whoever he or she will be without being weighed down by YOUR racism.  He or she will have to think twice about how they are perceived or how they are treated or spoken to because of YOUR racism and prejudice.  Little black boys grow up, hit the age of 13 and are then seen as a threat.  Little black girls are seen as 2nd class citizens, unworthy of the princess treatment.

And that’s just how it is.

Why?

Actually, a small part of me enjoys seeing all of this racism come to light like this.  MAYBE now society will stop being all “we live in a post-racial society” and all “we’re all equal” and acting all “kumbaya” and all of that other PC bullshit.

It’s all bullshit.

Racism is no secret.  It’s alive and kicking.  Taking multivitamins and yoga classes.  Thriving and surviving.

Try to sweep it under the rug if you want to. Try as you might, it still reaches the surface.  It’s there.  It’s embedded in this culture.  Acknowledge your White Privilege. Maybe if people would stop trying to ignore it or act like it doesn’t exist or justify it then maybe, just maybe we can actually finally have some kind of HONEST dialogue about it.  Some kind of transparency.

Sure, you can’t sell me on an auction block anymore or hang me from a noose [legally, anyway. Maybe you can shoot me if I'm wearing a hoodie?]… it doesn’t mean racism is dead.  It’s just adjusted with the times, my friend.

Denial doesn’t make it go away.

Sometimes, I feel discriminated against, but it does not make me angry. It merely astonishes me. How can any deny themselves the pleasure of my company? It is beyond me.  - Zora Neale Hurston

[Disclaimer: I'm not saying that all white people are racist.]

Lawd, this Trayvon sitcheeation, this Hunger Games nonsense, random life occurrences… I have so much to say!

Help me budget my time better, somebody. Anybody!

I’ll be back.

[#doingtoomuch.]

But more and more over the past year or so, I find myself in situations at work/networking events and the like where people are like, “Hey, are you on Twitter?  What’s your name; I’ll add you.”

My face —> 0_0

See, until recently, I’ve tried as much as possible to be very church and state with my online life and real life.  For example, since facebook uses my real name, I don’t link any of my Brownngirl social networking to any of it.  I have a completely separate email address for that stuff, too.  It helps me stay organized and keep spam out of my every day firstname.lastname@ email address.

Not that I’m out here being Crazy Internet Person.  Not at all.  But Brownngirl is sort of my alter-ego.  It’s where I go when I want to vent, share anecdotes, or jokes about my day to day thoughts; opinions on things and people I may have dealt with or come across.  I don’t have to be diplomatic or polite.  And I don’t mind sharing Brownngirl with certain friends or coworkers.   I have, in fact, gotten a little more laxed with that separation over time [a little].  I’ve even added a picture or two of myself on this here blog.  That’s progress, people!

Funny enough, however, I never minded it as much the other way around. Like, I’ve met some dope people and made friends in real life with a couple people I’ve met through social networking.

Go figure.

But now, if I’m at a work or “professional” networking event, I don’t feel inclined to share Brownngirl with those folks.  Because I can come here and say WTF ever is on my mind and it doesn’t necessarily look “bad” on me and my abilities to do a job.  This doesn’t have to be in AP style. I can write in ALL CAPS EVERYTHING if I wanted to and #whogoncheckmeboo?  I can “LOL” all over the place.  I can use my descriptive phrases between stars. [*Fist Pump*] I can use oxford commas ALL DAMB DAY and Lawd knows I love the oxford comma [which apparently is a PR no-no].  I had a week-long argument with my manager about why I love the oxford comma so. LOL!

Long Live the Oxford Comma

So, I started to think, perhaps I should combine my alter-ego and me in real life.  I should be more open.  The lines between online personas and real life people have been blurred for a while now.  Go ahead and join the party.

But soon after, I rethought that.  “NAY,” I said.

I don’t want Brownngirl to become more restricted.  If I want to tweet about how such-n-such client gets on my nerves, I don’t want to worry about who’s reading it.

So then, I thought, I should open a new twitter.  Use my government name.  Tweet neutrally.  Generally. Add it to my LinkedIn profile. Tweet stuff I’d want people at networking events to know about me.  Then I can tweet there, “I’m at such & such a networking event! Yeah!”  [And then go on Brownngirl's twitter and say, "I can't stand networking events."  Which is fairly true.  I don't go to many because most of the time, they annoy me.]

But then, I thought, that sounds like too much damb work.  I’m already doing too much online, do I want to open YET ANOTHER account [to likely be semi-ignored]?!

But, I think it’s becoming a must.  I’m not ready to let Brownngirl go – yet, in order to “market myself” more, I need to come out of internet hiding with other writers and PR folks.  I suppose.

Ugh.  I’m always uncomfortable with the whole “marketing myself” thing anyway.  But, I’ve put this off for like 6 months and it’s becoming less and less avoidable.   So, we’ll see how this Brownngirl-in-real-life-representing-her-real-life-self-online thing works out.

What’s everybody got planned for tonight?  I am turrible when it comes to Valentine’s Day.  I feel too much pressure to have to “do” something.  I felt that same way on my 30th.  Like I HAD to do something monumental because it was 30.  [I wound up going out for dinner/drinks with a group of friends to celebrate and had a great time.  I didn't want to just do nothing as I'm sure I would have had regrets later.]

But still.  THE PRESSURE!

I’ve never really made a huge deal of the big V-Day though… even if I did have a bf at the time.  Maybe dinner and a movie or a nice thoughtful gift.  I always feel like anniversaries and birthdays are a bit more special.  Most v-days, I’d make a point to buy those little 2×4 Valentine’s Day cards that we used to give out in elementary school with a cartoon on it [Spongebob] and mail those out to my friends.  [I'm a big fan of snail mail.]  I thought it was a really cute way to spread the love.

[Don't tell anybody I got too busy and didn't send them out this year, kay?]

My one bit of advice to all the lovers out there is to be on the same page with your honey/baby/booski/man/girlfriend/fiancee about what type of V-Day person you are.  I think that would eliminate a lot of disappointment and #vdayfailures.

For example, some women EXPECT the whole shebang on V-Day.  Flowers, candy, fancy dinner, a night out on the town, an engagement ring, a surprise serenade by Luther Vandross’ reincarnate, all. of. it.  Meanwhile, her dude may have been taking cooking classes to surprise her with a lovely home-made dinner and indoor picnic their apartment with candles and a carefully crafted mix-tape.

And here she probably bought a new dress, new shoes, got her hurr did, and make up done by the professionals.  She just might look at his picnic like, NAWL. O___o

Another example: Some women are of the school of thought that they are the ones to get gifts on V-Day & that their dude shouldn’t expect a gift from them.  And, true, a lot of guys don’t.  But some guys DO, in fact, expect a gift in return.  It doesn’t have to necessarily be a new car or anything extravagant, but they’d appreciate a dang card, some cufflinks, something that shows them some love/appreciation.

That scenario would probably end with her being all giddy at the new pearl necklace she just got for V-Day, and he sits there empty-handed and salty.  #vdayfail

You get my drift?

This lovely diagram here shows that for the most part, dudes and dudettes are on the same page about what kind of plans they have the big V:

David Tutera's Valentine's Day Survey

Interestingly enough, more women plan on having a low-key eventing together at home than guys.  Go figure!

I think this “being clear on your expectations” advice crosses over to your friends, too.  If you & your best girlfriends have a v-day Girls Night Out tradition, that might have to change if you get a new boyfriend or something.  Make sure you let your homegirl know that you might not be available, otherwise, y’all may end up at odds that night and you’ll still end up with a #vdayfail.

Hopefully none of the above scenarios will apply.  Hope you all have a great day and feel the love from your loved ones tonight, whether you’re single, married, in a relationship, or WHATEVER.

Happy Valentine’s!

P.S. Me & the boyfriend dude made a mix tape of some of our favorite jams from the 70′s, 80′s, and 90′s. [The photo is a link.]  Download, Listen & Enjoy.

]]> http://thisbrownngirl.wordpress.com/2012/02/14/every-days-the-14th/feed/ 0 brownngirl David Tutera Valentine's Day plans vday http://thisbrownngirl.wordpress.com/2012/02/13/thank-you-whitney/ http://thisbrownngirl.wordpress.com/2012/02/13/thank-you-whitney/#comments Mon, 13 Feb 2012 22:41:48 +0000 Brownngirl. http://thisbrownngirl.wordpress.com/?p=694 ]]>

This song is one of my favorites by her.  It’s such a tragic ending to her life.  RIP to the woman with one of the most beautifulest voices to ever walk this planet.

I’m often described as the “nice one” or the “quiet one.”

My grandma used to call me a “little fairy.” [Or Chocolate Chip.  Or Honest Abe.]

My line name in my sorority is Halo.

You see where I’m going with this.

Usually, I’m okay with being seen as this nice girl because, for the most part, I am pretty nice.  I try to be kind to people, I’m fairly easy-going, I’m real good at admitting when I’m in the wrong and being like “my bad, dude,” and I have a knack for letting trivial shit roll off my back.  I just like for folk to get along.  Arguments make me uncomfortable and awkward; I usually try to say something funny or diplomatic so mofos can laugh it off or something.  [Doesn't work so much, but it's my way.  Lol!]

However, I’m realizing more and more that this easy-going-ed-ness that I have can get flipped to be something else.  So many people take kindness for weakness.  SO many.  Or shyness for arrogance.  Or quietness for stupidity.

I think it’s probably human nature.

I’m starting to understand why so many people feel the need to be SO extra and always announce who they are / what they know / who they know / what they’ve accomplished to anybody who cares to listen.

I don’t think that’ll ever be me.  No, in fact, I know that’ll never be me.  I CANNOT stand people like that.

But, it’s dawning on me that sometimes you have to remind people just how awesome you are – and that it’s OK to do so.  In relationships, with family, with friends, at work, or anywhere else, speak up and remind those fools about your awesome.  At work, mofos need to understand why you deserve that promotion, or even just be reminded of just how much you’ve contributed to their bottom line.  Even the ones who love you the most can take you for granted if you let them. [And by "you," I mean "me."]

I’m of the school of thought that the work will speak for itself.  An I do dang good work.  But, nope.  Gotta speak up.  And if I have a problem with something, I also need to be more proactive in vocalizing that.  I tend to let shit ride too long or withdraw and just be mad while the other party has no idea. LOL!  Or they think I was too dumb or dense to notice how they did me shady and then come emailing me six months later tombout how come we ain’t friends no mo‘. o_O  [Girl, bye.]

I’m real observant.  I see a lot more than most people know.  The “quiet” ones usually are.

Funny thing is, I not even actually all THAT quiet.  I’m obnoxiously loud sometimes.  I  just don’t unleash my personality until I know who I’m dealing with.  *shrugs*  That’s just how I do.

Still, though, there’s a way for me to be better at standing up for myself in the first place without having to completely kick folk all out of my life.

Along with that, I’m working on being more demanding and clear about what I expect from people in my life.  I’m independent enough to do most things on my own and I try not to inconvenience people, but I’m seeing more and more that when you don’t demand much, you don’t get much. [And by "you," I mean "I."]

I just need to get over this trepidation I have of not wanting to be seen as a bitch or a diva.  It’s okay for me to demand more from the people in my life, or to actually let things upset me, or to be like “listen, B.  I’m awesome, if you ain’t know.”

I have to awaken my dormant beeyotch more often.

And not feel bad about it.

Mission accepted.

I remember it well.  The time: December 2010.  The place: My desk.

I wrote this letter to Santa referencing the above photo asking him for a new iPod.  Mine was old, out of date, and out of room for new music.  I didn’t complain, for I loved my iPod.  It went with me everywhere and jammed on the one.

But I felt I was due for an upgrade, so I asked.  We have not because we ask not, right?

Welp.

Santa left me hanging last Christmas.  I chalked it up to him being short-staffed.  Prolly laid off a few elves and, as a result, some of us fell through the cracks.

It’s cool.  I wasn’t bitter.  I just kept my lil’ iPod and kept on steppin.

Little did I know, Santa didn’t forget about me.  As I mentioned in my last post, Apple had a recall on my generation of iPods (circa 2005).  I sent mine back… and they sent me…

!!!

It got it in the mail on Tuesday.  Shout out to Apple for sending me this new Nano with no prompting and at no charge.  I am definitely a satisfied customer.

…But I know who’s really behind this.

*high fives Santa*

Ohhhh, you!

Overwhelmingly so when it comes to black women and their relationships, their appearance, or, you know, how often they breathe.

I don’t understand why we’re under such scrutiny.  In 2011, I was made aware of multiple articles and specials dissecting the many reasons that we’re all doomed to be single for the rest of our natural lives.  Allow me to outline them for you:

We’re angry.

We’re shallow.

We’re selfish.

90% of all black men are in jail.

There are only 3 “good” black men.

We go to church too much.

We’re too strong.

We don’t know how to let a man be a man.

We don’t date white men.

We’re too easy.

We go out with groups of other women.

We have annoying friends.

Our standards are too high.

Our standards are too low.

We like thugs.

We look to be rescued.

We dress too provocatively.

We work too much.

We’re lazy.

We’re ghetto.

We don’t know how to cook.

We’re fat.

We’re dark skinned.

We’re alive.

Did I miss anything?

What gets me even more is how quickly so many black women who are my friends on Facebook pass around these articles like they’re the new gospel.  As if to say, “Yeah, Y’ALL need to get your isht together.  That’s why Y’ALL ain’t married.”

O_O No, ma’am.

I wish these overly-simplistic “exposés” on the plight of the single black woman would go away and never come back.  For one thing, why are they always so accusatory?  Why don’t we talk about the many other reasons black women are single?  Maybe they haven’t found “the one” yet?  Maybe they’re divorced?  Or maybe they have no desire to get married?  Some people don’t.

I just think to say stuff like “you don’t cook, Black Woman, that’s why you’re not married,” or “you spend too much time at church, Black Woman, thus you shall be forever alone” is bullshit.

I know a GANG of married black women of a range of different ages.  I’ve worked with black (and white women, for that matter) who have been COMPLETE bitches in the workplace, but (I assume) happily married at home.  And I know women who are as nice as nice can be, yet are single as the day is long.  You ever watch “Say Yes to the Dress: Big Bliss?”  A whole show based on plus-sized women getting fitted for wedding dresses.  Because they’re getting married.

Essentially, you can’t make a list of 4-5 characteristics and then claim 80% of an entire group of women are not or will not be married because of it.

And maybe some of ‘em won’t.

People have issues.  Black, blue, green, yellow, or white.  Everybody has stuff they need to work on, talk to Jesus about, or get therapy for.  But, having issues doesn’t make you unlovable, and NOT having issues doesn’t mean you’re destined to be married.

It’s never that cut & dried.

But, if Disney has taught me anything, it’s that there’s somebody for everybody. #Princess&theFrog #Beauty&theBeast

How the heck are you people?  What’s been going on since I’ve been away?  Is Bush still in office?  Did they cancel “A Different World?”  Psonya’s son is probably in college by now, huh?  Sheesh!

So sorry to have fallen off the face of the blog-earth.  I have been crazy-busy, y’all.  CRAZY busy. And the longer you go without blogging, the easier it is to just not blog.  And the more daunting it is to start up again.  But, here I am.

I’ve gotten a LOT accomplished since my last post in May.  Let me fill you in. Grab yourself a cup of tea and an apple fritter.  This may be a long one…

For starters, I’ve turned into a running FOOL.  In May, I decided  to sign myself up for a 10K race that was coming up in July.  I figured I needed to give myself a goal to stick with my workout routine, because I’ll go hard for like a month and then completely fall off the wagon.  Well, my plan worked.  I actually ended up falling completely in love with running and I did 5 races this year:  two 5K’s, two 10K’s, and one 8K.

My Runner's World magazine pose

I’m currently trying to transition myself into winter-running.  I’ve learned that I do NOT enjoy the treadmill, so I’m going to try & keep up with my outdoor runs, at least on the weekends since it’s completely dark outside now by the time I’m out of work.  So, yes, training/running is one thing that’s been taking up my free time.

SPEAKING OF WHICH!  Do you remember ol’ boy from this post?  My CTA train booth worker slash Michael Jackson impersonator guy?  Well, I was running my 10K in July, and who do I see running the course as well?!  HIM.  As it turns out, he is INFAMOUS in Chicago races.  He’s broken records, run at LEAST 10 marathons, trains other people on running marathons, and he said he runs, at minimum, something like 50 miles per week.

I looked him up online and he is NO JOKE.  He’s now become my CTA train booth worker slash Michael Jackson impersonator slash running coach guy.  Now when we stop for our 3-minute conversation on my way to the train, he gives me running tips.  Coach Manny J.  Yes.  We were obviously meant to cross paths in life.

Okay, next up:

Movie Making!

So, I have some very talented friends and associates here in Chicago.  Just because I’m not in LA anymore (for the time being), that doesn’t mean I keep on trucking towards my little dreams.  That said, my super smart and talented friends and I got together and decided to move forward with producing an independent film.   We had a fundraiser at the House of Blues Chicago, as well as an online kickstarter campaign where we were able to raise all of the funds we need to produce our film.  The fundraiser was pretty damb dope!  We had drinks, mingled, and screened the teaser.

Let me tell you.  Standing in a room with a bunch of people who, for the first time, are watching something you created and having to stand there for their reactions?! Completely nerve-wracking.  The writer, director, producer, ALL of us were full of nerves.  But we got really good feedback and responses from the teaser.  Woot!  So, we look forward to going into production in January.

Please check out our website here:  http://www.fauspasfilm.com

Like our facebook here:  http://www.facebook.com/fauxpasfilm

Follow us on twitter here:  http://www.twitter.com/fauxpasfilm

AND check out the teaser!  Share it with your friends, coworkers, blog peeps, grandma, cousin Pete n’em… everybody!  Let me know what you think.

I’ll keep you posted on the progress as we move forward, too.  Obviously, this has been another time-consuming project I’ve had going on.

On top of that, I’m still contributing posts once/month over at Brownstone Magazine – an online magazine for teen girls of color.  Cha-mone and send your daughters, nieces, teen cousins, god-daughters and what not our way.  :)  http://www.brownstonemagazine.com.

Let’s see… what else…

I turned 30 last month!!!  *faints*  LAWD, y’all, where do de time go? It seems like I just turned 25 like yesterday and now I’m 30?  THIRTY?!  *faints again*

When I was younger, I really thought 30 would be more momentous.  Like, I would have everything figured out, be on track to being some kind of big shot making all sorts of money somewhere.  Not exactly.

I’m still finding my stride in life and trying different things.  I’m actually okay with that.  I feel like I’m coming into my own more now than ever before.  So, I actually look forward to what my 30′s will have to offer.  Bring it on, b*tches.

In another unexpected turn of events, I’m crossing my fingers that I get a new iPod for Christmas this year.  Remember this post from last year?  I wrote a very kind letter to Santa requesting a new iPod.  Well… Santa didn’t come through.  I gave him the benefit of the doubt, as I know he’s prolly short-staffed with the economy being what it is.  Elf layoffs and what not.

But, I don’t think Santa forgot about me, tho!  I found out from Mashable.com that there was a recall on my generation of iPod nano’s.  That’s right!  A recall.  Apple is being ambiguous as to whether or not they’ll just fix the problem and send back my old nano, or if I’ll get a new one.  Mashable predicts we’ll be getting new ones, though.  I sent my old one in.  Here’s hoping…

Good ol’ Santa!  Coming through in the clutch!  I like your style, St. Nick.

What else…

My best friend got married & is having a baby. *tear*

One of my favorite coworkers is leaving. *tear*

I’m currently on a 2-week staycation.  *fist pump*

Still working.

Still doing church stuff.

Still doing sorority stuff.

Spending time with boyfriend dude and trying to maintain some kind of social calendar.

So, as you can see, my plate is full… my cup runneth over… my ass is busy.

I know it’s no excuse for abandoning my blog, but something had to fall by the wayside… *shrugs*  I’m still on twitter though!  So easy to update in 140 characters or less vs. a full blog. LOL!

I’ll be back soon, though.  I have a bunch of rants built up from the last few months that need to see the light of day on this here blog.

Don’t forget to check out the teaser!

What’s beenup with y’all?  Catch me up!