Black Women… Forever Alone

Everybody’s got an opinion.

Overwhelmingly so when it comes to black women and their relationships, their appearance, or, you know, how often they breathe.

I don’t understand why we’re under such scrutiny.  In 2011, I was made aware of multiple articles and specials dissecting the many reasons that we’re all doomed to be single for the rest of our natural lives.  Allow me to outline them for you:

We’re angry.

We’re shallow.

We’re selfish.

90% of all black men are in jail.

There are only 3 “good” black men.

We go to church too much.

We’re too strong.

We don’t know how to let a man be a man.

We don’t date white men.

We’re too easy.

We go out with groups of other women.

We have annoying friends.

Our standards are too high.

Our standards are too low.

We like thugs.

We look to be rescued.

We dress too provocatively.

We work too much.

We’re lazy.

We’re ghetto.

We don’t know how to cook.

We’re fat.

We’re dark skinned.

We’re alive.

Did I miss anything?

What gets me even more is how quickly so many black women who are my friends on Facebook pass around these articles like they’re the new gospel.  As if to say, “Yeah, Y’ALL need to get your isht together.  That’s why Y’ALL ain’t married.”

O_O No, ma’am.

I wish these overly-simplistic “exposés” on the plight of the single black woman would go away and never come back.  For one thing, why are they always so accusatory?  Why don’t we talk about the many other reasons black women are single?  Maybe they haven’t found “the one” yet?  Maybe they’re divorced?  Or maybe they have no desire to get married?  Some people don’t.

I just think to say stuff like “you don’t cook, Black Woman, that’s why you’re not married,” or “you spend too much time at church, Black Woman, thus you shall be forever alone” is bullshit.

I know a GANG of married black women of a range of different ages.  I’ve worked with black (and white women, for that matter) who have been COMPLETE bitches in the workplace, but (I assume) happily married at home.  And I know women who are as nice as nice can be, yet are single as the day is long.  You ever watch “Say Yes to the Dress: Big Bliss?”  A whole show based on plus-sized women getting fitted for wedding dresses.  Because they’re getting married.

Essentially, you can’t make a list of 4-5 characteristics and then claim 80% of an entire group of women are not or will not be married because of it.

And maybe some of ‘em won’t.

People have issues.  Black, blue, green, yellow, or white.  Everybody has stuff they need to work on, talk to Jesus about, or get therapy for.  But, having issues doesn’t make you unlovable, and NOT having issues doesn’t mean you’re destined to be married.

It’s never that cut & dried.

But, if Disney has taught me anything, it’s that there’s somebody for everybody. #Princess&theFrog #Beauty&theBeast

Create a free website or blog at
The Esquire Theme.


Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.